ABÉCÉDAIRE

C for Computers :

F for French 60s Pop : No, not the channel, but the actual genre per se, the channel is a real gem though, lots of good music to pick from. But speaking of the genre, it still remains enigmatic to my person, I am intrigued and curious about it, I make attempts from time to time to penetrate into it, and honestly there's a peculiar sort of appeal about the genre, a feeling of anemoia which rises from the deepest compartiments of a most definetly non-personal part of myself. I like Françoise Hardy, as a person she's very pretty and cute, seems like the ideal gf material, her voice is the equivalent of smooth warm dribbling honey that soothes mind, body and soul, and that makes her music incredibly good, I love Tous les Garçons et les Filles, Le premier bonheur du jour (God what a soul soother, I tremble and melt by le simple ouïe de sa voix magique) and also (obviously) Le Temps de L'amour. But my favorite highlight by her charming figure is definitely Je ne sais pas ce que je veux (1968), everything about this one is beautiful, the music video, her voice, the lyrics, the haunting reminder of a long gone era, one which for some mysterious reason I feel a strong sense of longing towards.

Chantal Goya also comes to mind, especially Si tu gagnes au flipper and honorable mentions go to Françoise Fabian's Les Honneurs de l'amour (1966) and since by the time of writing this text, it happens to be a September, Nana Mouskouri's Au cœur de septembre.

Thus yeah, overall, a very interesting genre that I will be looking into further in the future, now listen to my recs or fuck off :3

L for Love : Ohow !!, seems like we're going to tackle the big bad wolf, the elephant in the room of this generation around here, hmmm, I will get this straight out of the way, I am what can be called a hopeless romantic, it is something that I used to shy away from but never now, I exalt it and I am vocal about it in the loudest of ways, and yes in an intention to provoke those whom disagree aswell, those that tend to view Love as something left over, as a fool's errand and a loss-loss game, most likely on the basis of a failed experience by their behalf, or due to falling for the hate machine that is the Internet, the egregore that wants to reduce everything, alongside the System, into a mere commodity, into something that can be used and discarded at whim as if its a flannel or a weary shirt, Love tends to be the litmus test for whether someone is deemed mature in my eyes or not, if the person in question has reserves in regards to it, if the person questions its status as an integral part of the human condition, if the PERSON IN QUESTION has a resentement for it due to a lack of nuance and sharp perception, which cause is a reductive observation of failed lovers around or of a bad experience, then no matter how much I will appreciate certain qualities of the person in question, they will always be held in a way lesser regard than someone whom sees the value of Love, of loving and being loved, the given and the taken.

It is maddingly pathetic to see how Love, one of the last remaining vestiges of a once more spiritual existence, where the presence of Spirit and of The Creator was much more direct, is being constantly undermined in favor of either a Superhuman position, which tends to worship and exalt Science, Reason and the whole "male brained" sphere, adopting a travestied "resaonable" attack on Love, or a Subhuman position, which confounds Love and Sex and treats them in equality, misunderstaning both as a mere interplay of instincts, and thus I cry my revolt, my attack on the anti-lovers, even if I'd write volumes on top of volumes on the matter, it would not be enough, it would not be enough neither to resist against this ardently harsh counterforce, nor to give Love its due appraisal, thus I revolt, even if the teleology remains in the unclear, it is the road that matters not the destination, to conclude, and apologies for my English readers, I present a little something I wrote a while back which best describes my position, it is in french and I termed it En Défense de L'amour

Une attitude à combattre : la négation et la guerre menée contre l’amour comme chose infantile, dépassé et signe de faiblesse. C’est difficile d’être vulnérable et de se permettre de dire qu’on veut aimer et être aimé surtout, ça nous ramène que de la déception disent-ils, ce n’est plus possible aujourd’hui, le “”marché sexuel”” est saturé, on est tous des maudits aliénés à jamais : des proclamations qu’on entend chaque fois qu’on y ramène le sujet des relations intimes.

Vous m’inciter à vomir, vous qui essayent de justifier votre lâcheté d’esprit et votre cowardice en se proclamant que vous êtes au delà de l’amour, jouer le “holier than thou” tandis que ça vous grignote les dedans, chose encore pire lorsque vous traitez ceux qui s’animent de la vitalité de l’amour d’idéalistes et naïves dépourvues de sagesse et de “”maturité””. Si c’était vraiment de la sagesse, cette névrose refoulée, on aura des Platons dans chaque rue ! Alors alimentez vos carcasses d’amour, ces chambres froides sans âme dont tout se présente devant comme un problème mathématique ou un jeu d’échecs en 3D.

I would also like to add, since I am currently reading Wolf Solent by John Cowper Powys, a novel which happens to tackle the subject of Love aswell, some quotations and interrogations that I deem to be of interest, these go as follow :

Was love itself, then, and all its mysteries, only a kind of magic gate leading into a land full of alien growths and unfamiliar soils ?

'Life is short,' said the skeleton, 'and the love of girls is the only escape from its miseries.'

He had married her because he had mistaken a mixture of lust and romance for love; and if he hadn't found Christie, he might, to the end of his days, never have discovered his mistake! Affection would have superseded lust; tenderness would have superseded romance. All would have been well.

M for Music : what can I say, despite growing up in an environment where music, and in analogy every creative art of sorts was met with indifference and milquetoast "interest" in the best of cases and absolute disdain in the worst, I wasn't really acquainted with music until late elementary to early highschool, as crazy as that may sound for plenty of people who are reading this, beside the usual Religious anthems blasted on the Radio or the TV and which Dad liked to play all the time in his Car, and some fuckasss shitty Nightcore here and there, my first introduction was to Linkin Park thanks to my best friend S., who he himself was introduced to music by his older brother who used to play guitar, anywho, I quickely became fascinated by their music especially after hearing Roads Untraveled for the first time in the end of the Need For Speed movie, I looked up the album LIVING THINGS and that was perhaps all I listened to in my final year of Elementary, I also discovered Foster The People by my own thanks to Pumped Up Kicks being referenced in almost every r/dankmemes school shooter meme, and YES I was a Reddit band kid, we all make mistakes, I remember listening to Style when it first came out, I think it was 2018, yeah but I also liked TheFatRat's remix of Don't Stop, from their Colours album, which once I listened to in its entirety sometime later, I really liked. Now it's H.S, I started doing some digging of my own and naturally first thing that presented itself to me was Spotify, I installed the thing and started listening to whichever was thrown at me, The TOP 50 Billboard so to speak, that was all the sloppa I consumed for the entirety of Covid, I remember Blinding Lights by The Weeknd was a song I liked a lot, and it gave me a throwback which I later uncovered of the fact that I once heard The Hills playing on the TV sometime around 2016, anyways my consumption of music was restricted to the most entry level soulless music in existence, names include Imagine Dragons, Eminem, Alec Benjamin, some of The Weeknd, Logic (lol), Twenty One Pilots,... and that was all the ammunition I used to roll with until my baccalauréat years (final year of HS) where alongside the prise de conscience that I happened to acquire during that time, I realised that since I do like music and enjoy listening to it, I should do some more digging, and with the frequentation of (yes I am not ashamed to say it) RYM, Fantano videos and music discourse on Plebbit of all places, I discovered acts like Radiohead and Death Grips, I fell in love with the former and I was the most insufferable of fans within that time period, I put myself on some more Kanye too, and the rest I can't talk much about because my mind is jarring at the moment, but to say the least, I went balls deep into Fantano-core and not until my second year of uni that my musical taste really started taking proper form, form which can be found in the music section of the website.

My position with music also emanates from the fact that to me, and to many others, there has been an ongoing struggle and resistance between the religious belief of the prohibiton of music in Islam, and our constant exposure to it, let's get one thing out of the way, you can only avoid so far, you'll eventually be exposed once again and it'll be an uphill battle against a swarm of soldiers. Anywho, I think the debate on the subject has been ongoing for many decades, ever since the eras of the Abbasid and whatnot, with the general consensus being its prohibition. Not as if my opinion has any pertinence in comparaison to the great theologians of our Islamic tradition, but the way I see it, Music can in a way be a form of worship, the argument most often people put up against music is its treatement and display of vulgar themes, especially in our spectacular age nowadays, vulgarity about sex, drugs, crime and the whole panoplie, by that logic, what do we make out of other music, how to approach say Gospel music for example which is literally an exaltation of God, sure it is a Christian peculiarity and can be dismissed as such, but the point still stands, music isn't all about the "haram", it can be a beautiful tool and can express and convey emotions and conditions that other ways of transmission cannot, so whilst acknowledging its prohibiton, and by that case, my sinning, I all the while also exalt the beauty of Music regardless of the former, the final word would be that of God's.

N for Ñ : I will be referring to a very pivotal person in my life by this letter, for their anonymity's sake. I first met Ñ within my first year of highschool, due to the brevity of the term (COVID19 you know) I hadn't much interacted with her during that time, I was much closer to her sister M since she sat in front of me and it was only a matter of time before we became friends, they were polar opposites in character, M was a very extroverted, lively, outgoing and occasionally outspoken person, whilst Ñ was reserved to the point of complete negation, negation of her surroundings and interlocutors alike, yet another reason for my distancing away from her. Anywhooo, after COVID, now in my second year of highschool, they both happened to be in the same class as I, good thing I thought. And thus, my relationship with M grew even stronger, at one point becoming my second best friend after S, we used to talk all the time during class and share our most intimate of secrets, I think I mentionned Discord once and M proposed that we open a server, that Ñ will also be glad to join as she has a history with that platform, so they both joined and I invited my close friends aswell, and a legendary union was born, the details of which may be talked about in another post. Anyways, going back to Ñ, during my second year of HS, my interactions with her were more than they used to be, but there remained a certain electric disdain between us, I don't really remember whether it emanated from her or from me, but all I know is, she certainly viewed me with disdain, it wasn't pure hatred but she didn't took a liking to me either, in comparaison with two of my best friends with whom she was more vocal and closer, and I disdained her aswell, now that I think about it, it was probably due to the fact that I saw something in her that I had rejected within myself, that paralyzing timidity that I used to have around that time, I projected what I hated most within me on her figure and she became a person whom I thought was "playing the high ground", regardless of that, I remember this one occasion where my feelings did shift for a moment, but were quickly reset due to certain conditions I'll explain dok chwy (in a bit).

Ñ being the shy person, used to get bullied sometimes, nothing physical but she did get weird looks and remarks from my other girl classmates, calling her a weirdo and a freak, anywho, M was well aware of that, but being the social butterfly she is, probably didn't want to compromise her relations with the other girls and asked me to step up for Ñ and tell them to go away, I was slightly hesitant but chose to do so anyways, since why not ? I wouldn't happen to be an arsehole and knowing their character they would refrain within the very moment I emit a reproach, and that's what I did, went up to them and said that they should leave her alone, after a few joking remarks from their behalf, such as "ur being too serious and yada yada", they left, and I came up to Ñ and told her in a caring and concerned manner that in any case should they come again or in any case of discomfort, that I am available for her, and that I would look after her, she blushed and smiled and I went back to my chair, I didn't think much of that for the rest of my highschool years, and what happened afterwards worsened things, as I started getting in fights with her, on one occasion, M sent me DM screenshots with Ñ, the latter telling the former to go suck my dick and quote : lick his balls unquote, being the immature kid I was back then, I didn't take it lightly and went and raised a torrent of insults and rage on Ñ's poor figure, wasn't the first and wasn't the last, the final circumstances on which our "correspondance" ended are unknown to me, but I can assure you people that it wasn't in a good light, and so it wasn't until after my final year of HS, that I started rewinding the events and I thought to myself : why was I harsh on her, why was I such an asshole, I mean I acted that way with all of the people I knew on that GC, my best friends included, and feeling bad for myself afterwards I asked forgiveness from all of them

I had it as a mission in my mind to tie loose ends, and I did it with everyone I knew except her, why you wonder ?, well guess what : she was Jason Fucking Bourne himself, literally untraceable, after the baccalauréat, only Y and S were still in contact with her, the former said at one point during my first year of uni that she was barely online on Genshin Impact and that was it, the latter had a tiny teeny correspondance with her still on Facebook, but that account went blank afterwards aswell, and so from that point on it was a sisyphean struggle that I and my best friend S established in order to reach her out, for me personally to offer her a genuine sorry for being such an ass back in the day, and for both of us to perhaps re-invite her to the group and make a reunion, we tried on every platform we could find, Facebook was moot, Instagram unfoundable, Twitter none to be found, Discord was moot aswell (presumably she lost her password, fuck if I know), since she lives in my hometown, there were rare occasions were we would cross paths but for one, it usually happened when her family was around, and where I live it is inappropriate to talk to a girl right in front of her parents, and for the few few times it was only me and her, I happen to be the shy 3agoun (mute) faggot that I am and nothing happens, we tried via M, but M was having her own share of troubles and she probably descended into a meltdown this year is what I heard, so all we could get of Ñ was hearsay upon hearsay, she redo'd her baccalauréat twice after we got ours, and then when she got the grade she desired, enrolled in studying Pharmacy, we even went as far as to find her Telegram account within her study group (since a friend I know happened to be in the same class as her aswell), and S tried reaching out to no avail, I tried to do so my own way aswell, and sent a well written message which had concern for her state and her sister's (regarding certain events that occured during that time, the details of which I like to keep private) which was met with a Seen, a FUCKING SEEN.

Well, this I took as my sign to bid farewell and to let the project of reaching out to her altogether, now she manifests in my dreams from time to time, and it seems that at certain occasions, whenever I think of her, a huge rush of anxiety and joy emerge from my soul and render me a hébété, I happen to have developped an absent crush on her, which is the most painful of paradoxes, yet I am well aware and lucid about the fact that, that which I am in love with, is not her per se, but my idea of her, my anima chose to manifest itself in her image, and it is that image that kept inciting me to reach her actual person for three whole years, at times I think that she and I would have made a perfect pair, in another universe perhaps.

The chances of this are very unlikely, almost little to none, but Ñ, if you happen to read this, know that I am wholeheartedly sorry about the asshole I was back in the day, and another sorry for my perhaps bothering of you during all this time you wanted to move on from everything that had to do with your highschool person, May you have a nice life, wherever you end up being, and whenever you are.

P for P : this will be more of a free form, as many things that I happen to have plenty to say about begin in P : Philosophy, Poesis (the greek term for creation), Poetry, Psychology, Pessimism, Positivity, Pythagoras (perhaps the first of mystics, his name begins with a P), two of my favorite movies of all time are Pulp Fiction and Predator (1987),one of my favorite songs by Beach House is called PPP. I have a PENIS that is also termed Phallus, I excrete what is called "Poop",..... So I guess this is a tribute to the letter P, possibly the richest of letters.

Jokes aside, I would like to talk a bit about poesis as it happens to be the subject which occupies me most for the time being, I will not restrict myself to definite philosophical interpretations of the term, I will perhaps use some Heiddeger but I pre-emptively warn you that this will be my perverted (and yes, bastard) takeaway. Anyways, poesis, by the spirit of Etymology, is creation, the creation of what ? of anything and everything, god poesisied your pathetic ass on earth, you poesisied robots and now robots poesisy Ultra 4K Futanari Shotacon slop for your consumption. Not everything that is poesisied is held in high standards certainly, but the conventional criterium can often be misleading in terms of the value judgements that creation is subjugated to. Youtube Poops are as creative in their potentiality as the Mona Fucking Lisa, some arthoe or "I like my shit serious" faggot would probably protest by saying : HOW COULD YA COMPARE LE EBIN HIGHLY DETAILED DRAWING YADA WITH A MISHMASH OF RANDOM SOUNDS AND VIDEOS REEEEEEEEE, I retort simply by stating that technicality is but one criterium amongst many when it comes to judging creations, one which is less important than the relevance of the work to its surrounding Zeitgeist, which is the criterium I hold of most importance, it isn't how well you can make something but it's how resonant it comes to be with your environment, both the Monaliza and Podel's YTP are equally impactful on the people within their respectful time periods, that is the case I assert and thus, to hell with it ! (expected me to use some HEIDDEGER ? maybe next year).

S for Swearing : The best analogy would be that of spices, you add too much and the food can't be fathomed to be eaten, you put none or an unnoticeable amount and the shit will taste like your average british dinner, very scary. So with a moderate usage, swearing is a really fun façon de parler that in spite of the whole moralfagging tidal wave, everyone does to some extent.

Now, I think there's an ethicality behind swearing, i.e a certain code of sorts that, at least for my person, should be respected as much as possible, I would like to put them out as commandements, and Moses shall be proud of me ^^

1 - Thou shalt swear in a way that only thy interlocutor may hear, Thou shan't disturb thy people around thee, especially the Elderly and the Feminine.

2 - Thou shalt abandon blasphemy, and blasphematory exclamations that tarnish the Divine name and attribute, the Rab. For this is the most despicable of utterings.

3 - Thou shalt repeat every morning you wake up, the first two commandments.

T for Travelling :

W for Writing : I have only come to appreciate writing very recently, it is the reason why I decided to set up this website, and it is also a reason why I made the decision of making my own personal journal on paper, to document the process, my process. I have always been a reserved person, and that went beyond the mere ethically desired character of prudence into a position of reserve that became negation and refoulement, refoulement that included my inner world, my inner thoughts, the entertaining of which was done automatically, most of the time without my intervention and awareness, in the cases where it was too much to bear it imposed its image on me, the reactions were of shock, resistance and depression, what can be called in psychoanalytical terms a neurosis, and it was not until I became familiar with the writings of C.G Jung that I became aware of the reality of my spiritual innards, of their importance and of the imperative imposed upon me to lend an ear to their whispers, his writings were further backed up by themes that appeared throughout plenty of my readings, it is on this basis that I realised how universal this experience was, and how it should be encouraged to speak with oneself (or more correctly, the compartiments of oneself) in contrary to the upheld opinion, anywho, it was in that vein that I realised that expression can take many forms, dialogue is one but there exist other, I was occasionally teased and perhaps encouraged by some of my friends, and the girls with whom I used to hang with and like, as It became apparent to me that when it comes to such dealings, Girls are the wisest, and their company became of an utmost importance to me, it borders on obsession from time to time, but that would be another topic, perhaps one which I'll talk about later.

These encouragements fell flat and were only met with a thanks I guess, but it was around the end of February of 24', that I started lending the idea of writing more and more importance, I made the first article on this website in a couple of minutes out of inspiration, the muses laid their honey and I ate and pondered hhhhh, then whenever came the occasion where I'd wonder about something, or where my mind would make magical connections between concepts that would have seemed unmixable in the eyes of my intentionality, I began scribbling, writting down, jotting some of these revelations, on paper, but mostly online, it wasn't very frequent but it was steady, then came the breakup, and what that left me with became fuel, first with a slight tinge of hatred for the person in question, then it transmuted into a cosmic scale sturggle against the force of Pessimism and Weltschmerz, the figure of which and the trigger was my ex, I quickly came to the conclusion, one which I am yet to change but which has become more and more nuanced avec le temps that it is a mission of mine, on this Earth, to seek and exalt the beauty, joy and pleasure that I find within this world, one which will emanate from the Sentimental and the Sensational, and that I shall be aware of misery and suffering, but as a necessary evil, as something to be equally exalted aswell, for it is thanks to it that we may be able to fully rejoice in the former.

Some people might say, you are writing all this crap and possibly no one would care or bother, the best of cases it might be read as a tmenyika (joke), to that I say, I am well aware, but who said that there must be an audience in order for one to pour out parts of his soul unto the world ?, I said in the bio how I believe in the importance of Communication, I also want to add that I also believe in communication that is immanent, that wouldn't require a transcedental audience in order to be "worth the effort", I write for the errants of the world, if they happen to come across my spillings, then they are welcome, if they don't then that's okay, if they mock my juices, I am fine with that, if they love my drops, I am content and grateful for that, and thus my fellow Readers, Write, to anyone, to yourself, to your friends, to your Beloved, to the Internet, to the World, write and don't shy away from breaking conventions and taboos alike, don't worry about your writing being too naive, too childlish, too bare, whichever gurgles in your brain, pour it out, for even if they're not listening, you yourself is listening.

Y for Youtube Poop : perhaps the modern day equivalent of renaissance art, well it is now obsolete unfortunately in face of the rise of AI slop and post-ironic brainrot torrents (which are funny and have their own charm, but can never compare to the authentic joker spirit of youtube poops), I grew up watching YTPs, my favorites would be those of Podel, he's the best when it comes to caputring the essence of what is a YTP, the right amount of randomness with inside jokes thrown here and there, some ramble about wanting to kys showing up for 5 frames in heavily edited sequences of True Detective or Battlefield 4 footage whilst Kavinsky's Nightcall is blasted at 289DB, it caputres perfectly the zeitgeist of the middle and late 2010s, honorable mentions go to Flyingkitty aswell, and EmpLemon's gems which he unfortunately expunged from his channel, choosing to focus on more mature essays, but there exist archives here and there, Pyrocynical used to make YTPs aswell I think, and NFKRZ too, but they never really stood the test of time and weren't as impactful to my person as the former, whilst I appreciate Pyro's early commentary videos, yes it was typical bully humor Leafy copycat yada yada yada, but it was funny back then, and my rose tinted glasses can't help but miss the format.